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“Savage Love” is America’s longest running sex advice column. A new column is posted every Tuesday. Become a Magnum Sub for access to the full column and the Struggle Session posted every Thursday!

The Parent Trap

I’m a gay man in my fifties, comfortable in my skin, but I suffered severe bullying throughout school, which was often abetted by teachers. A recent class reunion prompted me to write a tell-all letter to the current school director regarding that trauma. His gracious response was incredibly healing. My family has accepted me since I came … Read More »

Struggle Session: Let’s Pull Together

I don’t know what to call this thing — no one likes “AQFARTIFROLOTIGTMIITC,” everyone likes “Masterdebater” but me, a lot of people liked “Gang Bang” but a few people really didn’t, “Group Grope” seems just as problematic as “Gang Bang,” etc. — but here it is! Here’s this week’s question from a reader this isn’t … Read More »

Cissies

I am a 45-year-old femme-presenting genderqueer AFAB person. When I have romantic relationships with cis het men, I’ve noticed two general types: They either enjoy sex and prioritize pleasure and making things fun for their partners and themselves, but make no special big deal about it, and we usually have frequent enough sex and that’s … Read More »

Quickies

1. What if I’m turned on by my own trauma? What do I do with this? You do therapy with it. And then after you’ve worked through your trauma with the help of your therapist (which includes unpacking your feelings about being turned on by your trauma), you can — taking the tiniest of baby … Read More »

What Ain’t Broke

Dear Readers: I’m away this week — I’m on a mountaintop with my out-laws — so no new Savage Love today. This column originally ran on November 6, 2018. I want to thank everyone who read, listened, commented, and — most importantly — sent in a question over the last year. This is the best gig … Read More »

Struggle Session: Merry Christmas, Gang

No Struggle Session today because it’s Christmas and I’m in a sex dungeon in Europe — no, wait: I’m doing wholesome things with family. (I’m literally baking a cake right now.) But I’ve got an interesting AQFARTIFROLOTGOMIITC for anyone who isn’t celebrating Christmas or is done celebrating Christmas or doesn’t celebrate Christmas until January. So, … Read More »

Christmas Wrapping

I’m a 28-year-old gay man who isn’t going home for Christmas for the first time in my life. I’ve been out since I was fourteen and my family has been amazingly supportive, and they love my boyfriend of four years. (They hated my first and third boyfriends, so it’s not like they love anybody I … Read More »

Struggle Session: Not Getting Married Today

Like I said last week… I’m taking a break from Struggle Session until after the new year. But I’m gonna keep sharing a question from a reader that isn’t — for reasons of length or timing — going to make it into the column. I was calling these letters “GangBangs,” since the whole gang gets … Read More »

Good Working Order

My partner is still in love with her ex. For ten years she believed him to be the love of her life. It’s been two years since they split and there’s no possibility of them getting back together because he betrayed her in the most despicable possible way. It was the kind of betrayal that … Read More »