I’m a straight teenage
male, but I can’t climax unless I am stimulating my anus
or rectum. I use various objects like cucumbers. The reason I don’t buy
a toy is that I live in a very religious household and my parents would
disown me if they found a sex toy in my room.
I take a toilet plunger and wrap the handle
with toilet paper and tissues. Then I take a plastic bag and put it
over the top. After that, I wrap a rubber band around the bottom part
of the bag so it can’t slide off, lube it up, and fuck away! I really
like this: I can put the suction part on the floor, sit on the handle
part, and basically ride it while I use my hands to stroke my
dick/balls.
I know you’re thinking, “Gross! Do you
realize that thing’s been in the...
...handle
part, and basically ride it while I use my hands to stroke my
dick/balls.
I know you’re thinking, “Gross! Do you
realize that thing’s been in the toilet?!” But I sterilize the handle
with Lysol, then put soap on it before wrapping it with toilet paper. I
also put disinfectant on the plastic bag, then wash it off with water.
After I’m done, I put more disinfectant/soap on the handle and
wash it off so people who are using the plunger for its normal use
don’t get my ass germs. I’ve been doing this for about five years and
haven’t felt any bad symptoms except the occasional trace bleeding (I
think due to not enough lube—or it may be due to the ridges of
the bag). A few times I actually bled a lot (about the same amount as a
medium cut on your finger) for two or three days, but I didn’t feel it
in my butt and only knew that I was bleeding when I took a shit.
Are homemade dildos a bad idea? Am I putting
my family at risk by getting my ass germs on the plunger?
Always Nervous Until Sanitized
For the love of God, ANUS, get your hands
and ass on an actual sex toy—they make dildos with suction-cup
bases—before you do some real damage to yourself. Your 10-step
toilet-plunger-into-anal-sex-toy plan is ingenious, I’ll admit, and
your concern for the health of your family is touching. But given a
choice between explaining your masturbatory routine to your parents
because they found a dildo in your room or explaining it to them
because you wound up in an emergency room because your luck ran out and
the bleeding didn’t stop, ANUS, I hope you would opt for the
former.
If you’re worried about the repercussions of
discovery—such as being disowned—then hide the dildo
someplace other than your room. Got siblings? Hide your dildo in
the room of your least favorite. If you’re an only child, find a
beat-up-looking box, a couple of porn magazines that predate your
family’s tenure in your home, and hide the box with the dildo and old
mags in the crawl space or a drop ceiling or the rafters. If your folks
find it, they’ll think it belonged to some perverted previous owner or
tenant, not to their straight-but-needs-anal-stimulation-to-climax
son.
A word to my fellow parents: If you find a
penetration toy hidden in your child’s room—why were you
snooping?—do not freak the fuck out, do not
disown your kid, and do not discard the toy. Your child
probably went to great lengths to obtain that toy—teenagers can’t
just walk into sex shops—and he or she probably didn’t decide to
run the risks of obtaining and concealing a sex toy until he or she had
a bad experience with an improvised sex toy, e.g., plunger-related
rectal bleeding, difficulty retrieving a cucumber from the vaginal
canal. If you make a scene and take the toy, your child may not acquire
another—but your child’s experiments with insertion will
continue. He or she will just go back to using produce (swiped from the
fridge for use, then returned to the fridge after use) or
plunger handles or worse.
My boyfriend always goes soft after
he penetrates me. He’s come in me only a handful of times—and I’m
a bottom! When it comes to oral, he doesn’t have trouble staying hard.
Even more curious: The guy is only 21! Can someone that young really
have “erectile dysfunction”? We’ve tried cock rings, and they don’t
help: He can keep his hard-on for a little longer (enough time to get
inside me without getting soft), but it doesn’t take long for him to
get soft again. Dan, what do you think is going on? He’ll be super-hard
when I’m sucking him off, then I’ll start jerking him a bit, then he’ll
get inside me, and then a very short while later he’s soft. Is there
anything we can do? Does he have ED?
Lover Is Missing Poundings
Your boyfriend is hard during oral sex and
when you jerk his cock, LIMP, and only loses his erection when he’s in
your ass or about to go in. Hmm. That doesn’t sound like ED to
me—there’s no such thing as “act-specific ED”—but more like
YBDLAS, or “your boyfriend doesn’t like anal sex.”
Your boyfriend may feel pressure to perform,
LIMP, as being fucked is important to you. (Please tell me that he’s
coming inside a condom when he comes inside you.) And he may feel some
pressure to conform. Anal sex among gay men has been elevated to the
status of vaginal sex among straight men, LIMP, in that it’s somehow
become the defining sex act, despite the fact that roughly a quarter of
all gay men don’t enjoy and don’t indulge in anal sex. Your boyfriend
may be one of those guys, but he’s too inhibited to tell you how he
feels because, hey, it’s buttfucking and he’s gay and all gay men are
buttfuckers and if he doesn’t enjoy buttfucking then he’s some sort of
defective gay buttfucker.
Tell him he doesn’t have to do it if he
doesn’t enjoy it and, for the time being at least, you’re taking anal
off the menu—lifting the pressure off his shoulders and dick.
Focus on the stuff that works for him right now: oral and JO. And
remember, LIMP, if he’s coming in your mouth, he’s still coming inside
you.
When I bottom for my BF, if he can’t
get it in right away, he goes flaccid. What can I do?
Boy Only Needs Erect Dick
BONED put this question to me—via
index card—at a “Savage Love Live” event at UC Santa Cruz. I was
in a bad way that night—sick with the flu—and somehow
misunderstood the question. I read it as the person being
fucked went limp when penetration wasn’t immediate, not the person
doing the fucking. Sorry about that, BONED. Here’s a useful
answer:
Ask the BF what the problem is. He may be
worried about you—is he hurting you?—or perhaps the
pressure on his cock as he attempts to push it in is painful for him. I
don’t think it’s the same problem as LIMP’s boyfriend; your letter
seems to imply that there isn’t a problem when the boyfriend bottoms
for you, so it’s not about disliking anal sex. It could be, though,
that your boyfriend is more of a bottom, i.e., prefers the receptive
role during anal intercourse. A lot of bottom guys can top, of course,
but some need to quickly get in there and start pumping away, because
the sensations help them maintain their erections even as they do this
thing—fucking—that they would really prefer to have done to
them. A delay in the action, such as an inability to get it in “right
away,” could lead to the problem you describe, BONED.
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