Struggle Session: Folly Jamboree!

...> in them. Xylitol stimulates the production of saliva. The mints are small, can be chewed or sucked, are available in a variety of sugar-free and Aspartame-free flavors, and are vegan and gluten free. Just keep a bottle on or in your nightstand! And I have time to flag this beautiful comment from Zardoz about being in an age-gap relationship, a topic that came up in this week’s Quickies column. And there’s time to highlight this comment from Gendun about LW17‘s son… “The less charitable read: your son has the kind of hangups about female purity that can, if not addressed, render a man undateable, unfuckable, and unbearable.” And potentially dangerous to women. The connections linking a demand for purity to shame to violence are short. And of course I’m going to make time for Alex, who’s comment delivered the advice LW14 was seeking — and, yes, getting someone else to answer LW14’s question in depth was my diabolical plan all along — and Alex then went on to make a good point about piss play… LW18: Of all the body fluids, fresh piss is actually one of the safest if you don’t have a UTI. Drink plenty of water beforehand to make your urine diluted (and to make it easier for you to piss). And maybe I have time to say that… after a pitcher or two of beer… it’s just so much hot water, kids. I also have time to flag the conversation BZ kicked off about circumcision… which quickly got shouty… as conversations about circumcision inevitably do. In other circumcision news: fewer than half of all male newborns in the United States are circumcised, according to a 2025 study from Johns Hopkins, compared to more than 80% in the 1960s. Happy news so far as I’m concerned, sad news so far as Jonathan is concerned. And I’m going to make time for a new term I learned today: folly jamboree! So, what is a folly jamboree? Curious (whose comments I read religiously!) explained everything to me here. As it turns out, “folly jamboree” is rhyming code for neologism — one of my mine — that Curious and BiDanFan hate so much they refuse to use it. The idea is, by refusing to use the actual term, they will limit its “googleability” and thus its adoption and use. Sad news on that front for “toly” haters: Betches had an explainer up about tolyamory in January, LADBible had a piece about it in February, and Metro posted a piece up about it yesterday. So, I think tolyamory is entering the lexicon, kids, along with monogamish and pegging. Okay, here’s this week’s letter that all my readers are invited to have first crack at… My husband recently cheated. We’ve been together for almost 20 years. We have young kids and our sex life has been bad for a while. I haven’t felt emotionally safe and able to be vulnerable with him, he felt unwanted and like his needs aren’t a priority. He recently went to a “rub & tug” place intending to get a hand job. He was offered sucking instead. At first he declined, then she insisted and he accepted. He went back to his hotel room, freaked the fuck out, starting scrubbing his genitals with soap and irritated his urethra. This is relevant because I found out about all this by getting a text from a pharmacy that his STD prophylaxis meds were ready for pickup. He immediately owned up to it all. After the initial shock and terror and complete shutdown, we started having some very deep overdue conversations. He’s done a 180 in how he’s approaching intimacy and now realizes that I don’t owe him anything and that it’s his job to make me feel safe and comfortable so that my desire can come back. And that all the pressure and expectation has been doing the opposite. He’s got some childhood shit to work out, when he gets hurt he hurts back worse, that’s been identified as a big source of our conflict. We are starting intensive therapy. There is a ton of love there, we are best friends, and want to make this work. My question is this: How do I, as someone who already has a hard time being vulnerable and free sexually, get over the blowjob? Before I got all the details my mind went to a million places. It is cheating and it’s terrible, but I feel relieved that it was so transactional. No emotion, no eye contact, no talking, no sexy clothes (she was wearing scrubs). But I still can’t stop playing this in my head and can’t imagine doing it to him again — I can’t imagine sucking him myself ever again — without these images creeping in. Is there hope? Coming Back From Cheating Got some advice for CBFC? Drop it in the comments!